


Chicken soup and marshmallow

by Morethancupcake



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Actor Dean, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Porn, Domestic, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Established Relationship, Fluff, Happy Ending, Honestly it's pure fluff, Insecure Dean, Jealous Castiel, Jealous Dean, Jealousy, M/M, Misunderstandings, No trace of dean/other or cas/other, Photographer Castiel, Tiny bit of Angst, tagged mature only because of the subject and the hint about the industry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-16
Updated: 2015-03-16
Packaged: 2018-03-18 04:48:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3556634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morethancupcake/pseuds/Morethancupcake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Castiel wasn't sick. Or no, let's rephrase that, Castiel was just sick of him."</p>
<p>Dean and Castiel are together, and happy. And yes, with both of them working in the porn industry, it's sometimes difficult but they make it work. Or so Dean thought they did.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Chicken soup and marshmallow

**Author's Note:**

> from a prompt I got on tumblr : things you said that i wish you hadnt

Castiel has been avoiding him. 

It has nothing to do with work, it has nothing to do with Gabriel, or another shooting running late, or any of the excuses he had sent him for the past two weeks. 

Tonight, Castiel had said something about a cold, and not being strong enough to see anyone. And Dean, being the awesome boyfriend he knew he was, had been at his door a few hours later with chicken soup, a bag of marshmallow and a box of tea. 

Castiel wasn't sick. Or no, let's rephrase that, Castiel was just sick of him.

And really, Dean feels like an idiot when he enters the kitchen, when he puts the bag in front of him on the counter and tries to think about something to say, anything to break that awkward silence.

He feels like an idiot, because this was just a disaster waiting to happen. People in the industry had been very honest with him when he had started. He wasn't going to be treated like a human, most of the time. People would talk behind his back, people would talk about him as if he wasn't in front of them, people were going to use him and discart him because he was nothing but an object to them.

Dean had believed Castiel to be different, to be more than the others.

But yeah, no one could really want a guy who did porn to pay the bills, right ?

"I'm.. sorry Dean." Castiel's eyes are searching his, and he obviously isn't sick, at all. He' wearing the faded jeans Dean really liked on him, and a shirt they bought together during their last week-end out of town. It makes something in Dean's chest flutter, something wants to break free.

"It's okay, I mean... I'm sorry I couldn't get a hint. I'll.. I'll just leave I guess." He starts to move, to make his way to the door, but Castiel is standing at the kitchen door, and there's no way Dean is touching him, even to move him away. 

"I feel really bad for lying to you. I'm sorry, Dean. I really am." Castiel's voice is low, and soothing. It should make him mad, the way this stupid voice can make him calm, and at peace. He remembers meeting Cas, shaking his hand and thinking he had just met his soulmate. He remembers falling in love for the photograph who, just like him, had other dreams, but needed the cash. He remembers eating chinese food in the studio, he remembers waiting a week to find the courage to call Cas and ask him on a date. He remembers the butterflies when their fingers had brushed at the end of the night, and the chaste little kiss on his lips when they had said goodbye. 

He remembers their life together, he sees it playing in front of him, the awkwardness of having to work together, the first solo videos, and Castiel's arms at the end of the day, his lips on his hair telling him it was going to be ok.

"It's fine, dude, really." He tries to smile, and it's easy, because it's what he does for a living after all. He makes people believe what they want to believe. Until now, he had never used one of his fake smiles on his boyfriend. Because Castiel is his boyfriend. Was. Castiel had been important, sacred. "I guess it had been fun, uh ?"

"Dean, no, please." Cas tries to touch him, he tries to hold him, and Dean has to jerk away. He isn't going to be ashamed, he isn't going to cry here, in this kitchen when they had made love and pancakes. He isn't going to cry because Cas doesn't want him anymore. "Please, just... let me explain."

"Explain what ? That you're tired of fucking a guy everyone is watching ?" He laughs, but there isn't anything funny about it. "Or is it because of the interview ?" The blue eyes turn away, and Dean feel fire in his guts. It is about the interview. "I thought you were all about accepting me for who I was. Of was it just some kind of bullshit to get into my pants ?"

"No." They're both glaring at each other now, both with arms crossed on their chest. Even now, when he's mad, and hurt, Dean can't help but find this man adorable. Castiel is his, damnit, and he was supposed to be cool about this whole thing. 

"You knew it was supposed to happen, Cas. I can't keep doing pictures and solos anymore. Sooner or later this was going to happen. At least I know Benny, and I know it'll be all right and..."

"This isn't about that !" Dean wants to fight, he really want to let it all go. He wants to grab Cas and push him to the wall, he wants answers. But he doesn't say a word, because there's actual tears in Castiel's eyes, and this he isn't ready for. Castiel chin trembles, and he breathes slowly a few times before speaking. "You said... when we met, you said you didn't want a man who would tell you what to do, and I tried to respect that. I really did." All Dean can do is nod, because yeah, he had been really clear about that from day one. And that was something he loved about Cas, the way he never treated him like an idiot, or like a blow-up doll. Castiel valued his opinions, they had long talks about politics, and books, and he loved that about them. "But then..." A shivering sighs. "Then you tell that journalist you're just waiting for the right guy to come into your life to make you stop. How am I supposed to feel about that ?"

Dean feels like an ass. Like the worst boyfriend in the state, probably the country. Shit.

"I'm sorry, Cas. You know the drill, we have to say things like that."

"Well I wish you hadn't." 

The silence is heavy on his heart. So this is the end. This is it. Castiel is going to leave him not because in a few days he'll finally pop his cherry in front of a camera, but because he broke his heart. Great.

"You really are going to leave me for this ? For something we all have to say ? You know I don't want anyone else, you know you're it for me, dude." He tries to reach for Cas, to put him against him, but the blue eyes are still filled with tears. "Cas, please, don't do this. Please."

"You made me want things, Dean." A tear escapes, and suddenly it's very hard to breathe. "You make me want to stop taking these fucking pictures. You make me want to quit the industry, and start fresh." Castiel isn't looking at him, his eyes are on the trees, outside. On the garden, on the hammock they sleep on when it's too warm inside. "You make me want to ask you not to do it." Cas is looking at him, and his eyes are pleading. "Please don't do it. I know you're going to leave now, and I ruined everything, but I had to ask."

Dean passes his hand on his face. It feels like he's been run over by a truck. He's exhausted, and he wants to just leave and go to sleep. This all way too much, way too fast, and there's no way he can...

"Just so we're clear. You're asking me not to shoot with Benny."

"Yes."

"And you want me to stop shooting altogether. No more pictures, solos, nothing. You want us out of here."

"I'm sorry, Dean. I know we had rules, and I was..."

"Ok." Castiel looks like a baby bird. Eyes too wide, hair a mess. 

"Ok ?" 

"But just so we're clear. I wanted to ask you first." He smiles at the shock on his boyfriend's face, and he gets closer slowly, carefully. He isn't sure they aren't still fighting. "I don't like the way these men look at you. I don't like the way Balthazar walks around naked when he's working with you."

"Balthazar isn't gay, Dean."

"Don't fucking care. You're mine." He stops when they're breathing the same air. He can feel Castiel's warmth on his skin. "Can I have a hug, now ?"


End file.
